On Happiness & Satisfaction
"Every one knows how to value what he has attained in life; most of all the man who thinks and reflects in his old age. He has a comfortable feeling that it is something of which no one can rob him." - Maxims and Reflections, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I love cycling. I don't really know exactly why, but there's just something about getting on a bike on a nice sunny day and pedalling nowhere in particular on some country roads that really appeals to me. I can hazard a guess that it lets my mind wander in an unfettered manner. It's something I've found harder and harder to do as I've gotten older.
I watched this web series a long time ago called 'Beyond the Peleton'. There was an interview with a cyclist after the end of a race in it that really hit a chord with me. The cyclist was talking about how he was happy with his performance, but unsatisfied with not having taken home a trophy.
"I'm happy, but unsatisfied".
It struck me that I'd never really seen the two as different from one another. I liked the cyclist's positive take on it, and adopted it. I decided that from this point on, I would always strive to be happy but unsatisfied with my life. After all, who likes being around unhappy people who aren't striving for improvement? I set ambitious goals, and decided to knuckle down and get to work.
It worked... for a little while.
A feeling of discontent with this philosophy settled in…and stuck around.
I sensed layers of nuance embedded within this philosophy, but it managed to remain shrouded in a fog that never seemed to lift. This tiny seed of discontent spread, much like your foot going to sleep when sitting in an awkward position without moving for too long.
Was it really ok to always be happy but unsatisfied? Was I actually happy? Perhaps not really unsatisfied with life but dissatisfied?
I had worked really hard to be skilled at drowning out the voices outside my head, but what about the voices inside my head?
And then one day, out of nowhere, the fog lifted.
It was lifted by this article.
The nuance is memory: satisfaction is backwards looking, whereas happiness is a very in-the-moment experience.
To feel satisfied you need to reflect on your past over a long time horizon and tell yourself a pleasing story; that it was all worth it. Like any story, it's based on a perspective (yours), and has elements of fiction and non-fiction in it. The less non-fiction elements in it, the more authentic your 'memory' of satisfaction is going to be.
But happiness is essentially a dopamine hit: a shiny new car, a gift from someone, a promotion, Instagram likes. As we acquire such things, they become a part of our norm and the dopamine hit goes away.
Ambition can focus you like nothing else; it's tunnel vision unlike any I've ever experienced before. But that same tunnel vision can take you to one extreme on the spectrum of existence while neglecting the other. Life however is best lived in a balanced fashion. It can tilt one way or another as needed, but never for too long.
I'm lucky enough to have had life experiences that have given me the knowledge of the things I need to do so satisfy both ends of the happiness-satisfaction spectrum.
But I think I've mismanaged maintaining balance in striving to reach financial independence.
I've been inspired by elite weightlifters lately, especially with their approach to programming. Once they've defined their long-term goal and understood what it will take to get there, its all about execution: making sure their day-to-day is structured so that it contains the things they need to do to achieve their goals. The theme is almost always automaticity, and it's achieved by keeping things as simple as possible. After all, the less things to execute the less things your focus and willpower get split over.
But there is an X-factor: taking care of the middle ground.
It's what makes this whole thing more that just the sum of its parts.
Hard training, where you put yourself in an uncomfortable/unfamiliar state is necessary for growth. But along with it comes fatigue. if you don't take planned breaks to manage that fatigue then that's going to lead to a sustained decline in performance, which ends up taking you away from the consistency required day-in-day-out to reach your goals in the first place.
